She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
