Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
