SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
