I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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