one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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