I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
