no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
