Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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