some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
