How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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