sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
me + whiskey = a bad person
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
