I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
