Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
