Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
