if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
