No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
