She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He better not be in your backpack
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
