I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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