I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
