So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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