help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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