I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
