Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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