he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
