this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
