the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
