he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
