i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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