You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
