there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All the doctor said was why
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
