Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
