Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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