When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Randomize
