fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
