I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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