my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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