the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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