By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
