I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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