I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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