I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
