It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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