You work out of a Hotel?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
