He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
