Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
