i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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