I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
