Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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