Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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