Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sext me about skeletons
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
