When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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