Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
