break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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