well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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