I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
