I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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