I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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