Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize