All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
